Owner ship

This has been a rather peaceful few days.  Not very painful at all and the sickness from the chemo has gone. I have a lot of time to think. So this is about excepting and owningt feeding tube and all that goes with it. If you read my earlier post the first question I asked after surgery was "did I have a feeding tube?". After wards when the conversations and training were about the tube I would just turn away or I would tell the  Dr.s to talk to my family., I just couldn't Handle anything that went along with it. Yesterday I refused my feeding, my belly just felt so full and the tube has been bothering me. And yes I was feeling sorry for my self so last night I decided to take owner ship of it, like it or not it is a new part of me. So after Kemberly ( my daughter) came over and gave me my meds I got up curled my hair and filled the bags one with water and the other with the liquid food, hooked them both to the pole and then to the pump ;(  pump :(  after a phone call I DID. I primed it and hooked it to me, laid back being all proud of myself then realized I didn't flush the tube that is hooked permently to me. Oh well it is what it is and I DID IT